The Journey

I'm going to be real with you guys, this past week has probably been one of the most confusing weeks I have ever had. Finding out that I never made the program left me in a position where I had to search for other options or I would lose out on a semester or two. These past 2 weeks have been nothing but searching and so far I've come back to a dead end. I truly don't know where God is trying to lead me. I've tried to see the bigger picture instead of focusing on the bad.

I've asked for feedback from those close to me and all they have said is "pray and ask God." I admit, this is good advice, but for me I didn't want to hear that. I couldn't bring myself to pray. I started becoming agitated every single day; it somehow felt like I was never going to be good and happy. I didn't feel like me...this agitated and confused person...was NOT me! I was tired of feeling this way. For a moment it felt like I was beginning to receive all these "mixed signals" from God. Each time that I had prayed, I didn't hear anything. It became difficult and every time someone would say something I never really heard them out and I would just let it go through one ear and out the other.

I honestly have felt like I let my love ones down...in a sense where I'm already going to hit 5 years in college and still have no degree. I know I'm still young, but my family is still in the waiting in hopes of seeing me become a nurse. I know that I write these blogs every week in hopes that my story can encourage you, but I am struggling trying to hear God's voice. I know he's near but I hate feeling confused and seeking answers that I can't find. I sometimes ask myself, "Does God feel the confusion and hopelessness that I feel?" The answer to that question is YES!! He does feel what you feel and it hurts him to see his child in that situation.

It's taken me a while but if I can give you one piece of advice to take away with this blog, it would be to remember to BREATHE. Breathe through the difficult, confusing and hopeless times. I have to remind myself that God has plans to give us HOPE and a FUTURE. He has not brought you this far to just call it quits. I know there's a time for everything, but I need to learn just to embrace the "season" I am currently in. Even though it might be really hard, I just can't forget to live in the moment and just breathe...

I can only hope that I can find some clarity this week, and if you may be needing some guidance too...God knows and in his divine time, HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART.

P.S. -- I always smile when God speaks. Just a few minutes after writing this blog, I received a notification on my phone saying "LEAVE IT TO GOD: "God's timing is everything. Regardless of how bad you try to force and rush outcomes, His plan is greater. It's okay to trust him!" Talk about Gods' timing...