Through Your Eyes
I struggled to understand the way God saw me for the longest time. I would continuously seek things outside of God's circle to just find who I was. I had the habit of selling myself short, and I never felt like I was enough. I depended on people for acceptance, and to feel loved. I settled for people that were toxic to me in the long run. Since high school, I filled the void myself with things I thought would fix me. Some of my closest friends at that time would always reassure me that I was enough, loved, wanted, beautiful, and worthy. I honestly never did believe the words they told me with my heart. I built up these unrealistic things about myself and began to view myself that way. I never had enough confidence to start with, and I felt like I hit rock bottom.
It wasn't until last year that I began to redefine the way I saw myself. I hadn't realized how many insecurities stemmed from the lies I believed. I noticed that these lies/ beliefs were starting to affect the relationships I built with people. I felt like I was annoying, a burden, or too complicated. For a while, I thought that I was too much for people...essentially, that caused me to stay quiet about the way I felt, and I made myself feel alone. I came across Ephesians, where chapter 1 shows us exactly who we are in Christ.
Ephesians 1:4-5 says, "Even before he made the world, God LOVED US and CHOSE US in Christ to be HOLY and WITHOUT FAULT in his eyes. God decided in advance to ADOPT US into his own family by bringing us to himself by Jesus Christ." (NLT)
Reading just these 2 verses alone revealed to me that my beliefs I told myself were nowhere close to being true. They were lies! I started to ask God during my prayer time to show me how he sees me through his eyes. A few days later, I met virtually with my small group as we finished the series "Life in Rhythm." The final week touched base on family wounds and stated different lies that we may have developed and started to believe. What stood out to me was how it mentioned that untrue beliefs we tend to think can essentially be chains that we carry for life. I wanted to be free from all these lies and insecurities, I had enough! I reached a point where I no longer wanted to be controlled by the lies my mind told me.
No one ever saw me as a burden, no one classified me as complicated or too much. I was never worthless, I was never unloved, I wasn't unforgiven, I wasn't crazy, and I wasn't a fearful/ anxious person. It was A LIE...God never saw me like this...NEVER. God showed me that through him, I am FORGIVEN, LOVED, WANTED, WORTHY, BEAUTIFUL, WITHOUT FLAW, STRONG, COURAGEOUS, FEARLESS, and FREE.
I started replacing every lie whenever it came into my mind with God's truth. It doesn't happen overnight, it's a process, but eventually, your mind will rewire itself. I literally have had to repeat the truth against the lie until I learned to believe it with my heart. I still struggle...but I have to tell myself, "That is a lie, and God doesn't see me that way...help my unbelief Lord, and help me to see myself through your eyes."